Now don’t get me wrong I understand the point of advertising full well, and Indeed it has led to me buying very many lovely hair care products and skin products… Or perhaps I don’t want to buy those false advertised pieces of crap that seem to be following me around asking me for my wallet at every possible turn. By False Advertised I mean that most of them make out that when you buy them you will get a beautiful woman appearing naked in your shower. Unfortunately I must now reveal that it doesn’t happen, and that leaves me a very disappointed ranter.

But why, why do they put adverts everywhere? I was suprised to find an advert lurking behind my mass of hair yesterday. Or maybe that was the heorin. Never mind. Anyway, they’re everywhere. Especially on that little box that we like to call a television and the French like to call a “Télévision.” Yeah, who the hell did you steal that from you FREAKS? I know, let’s take the Eeeenglish word and put apostrophe’s on their letters! But, they must be wonky apostrophes, to make us look like we are drunk and therefore cool! Okay… yeah.. IDIOTS. (If there are any french reading this I apologise - Wait, what am I saying? Let me rephrase. If there are any French reading this then FUCK OFF and STOP you Illiterate PIGS.)

Anyway……. That little box we like to call a television and the French like to call Illiteracy is the main culprit of adverts. Especially when you’re watching a film. Gets to the climatic bit, you’re deadly into the film, anyone interrupts and you’ll kill them and suddenly - THIS FILM IS SPONSORED BY HELL. - The volume turns up 12 notches and flashing images of the burning palace of fucking Satan himself appear wanting you to buy hotdogs in exchange for your eternal fucking soul. You then have to occupy yourself for a few hours while spam about Think before you fucking drink (AKA YOUR ALL GOING TO DIE IN CAR ACCIDENTS!!) adverts come at you left right and center wanting your uttermost attention for the 2 minute slots they bought from fucking fair trade slaves in Africa. Or from a TV company I’m not particulary fussed which.

Sorry I must interrupt myself to point out that in isle three you’ll find some fucking washing powder you may or may not have used before BUT YOU’RE GOING TO USE IT NOW.

And then you’ve got popups, the pinicle of society! Now, I’m currently writing this on a piece of shit (See also Hunk of Junk and Chris’ old computer) [Also see that Pieces of shit do not make good ink and I do not advise you attempt to write with shit. It is a health hazard children.] and so therefore it has no popup protection and the almighty God-Firefox is failing to protect itself. (See Condoms.) Even as I write this I’m getting a popup from another window saying that i’ve won some prize. Yay, I’ve won a prize to go to barbados without actually clicking anything and I’m also the 1000000000th visitor to a site that has so far on its hit counter got 3 people! Yes, I’m so fucking gullible I’m going to fucking click OK on a fucking flashing Fucking windows box in a fucking Browser window. What do they TAKE me for? Some sort of incarnation of the word RETARD itself, etched into a computer screen? Hahaha, you have just clicked a virus and we are now sending you a million pounds with a Trojan Horse! Yes, that is a big horse, not a virus! YES BELIEVE US!

Perhaps I’m being harsh. Wait, NO I’m FUCKING NOT. I’m being kind. I could say that these people are the equilivalant of todays dribbling vegetables and should all be locked up and exposed to massive amounts of radiation before having their eyes replaced by their testicles for even coming up with the process of popup spam. Wait, I just did say that.

Thanks For reading my endless anger and allowing me to vent it in your faces.

Chris - RabidRanter

I’m sure you’ll pick it up well, but if you need any extra help, These are the tutorials.

http://intergalacticboobies.com/tutorialshelp/

Thanks, Matt